I got going away wishes from my mate’s 3 year old son. NAILED IT!
(I think he may have had help…)
It’s remarkable what magic can happen when you simply let go, and just let yourself be.
When I decided to go on this adventure, it all happened very quickly. Actually, it happened pretty much instantly. I’d had a feeling for a while that something big was about to change, so I’d had some time to ponder what I’d want my life to be if it wasn’t what it was – and I didn’t know… but I did know that, regardless of what that random premonition was bringing my way, I was definitely traveling this year.
My job for the last few years was at a friend’s company, and I mentioned in my last post how much I loved that job. It was a great company, with an epic vibe, and a super cool team. I got to dabble in all manner of things during my time there, and have come away with a host of new skills that I can put to good use in whatever comes next. There is no resentment about my retrenchment, in case you’re wondering; it happened because it needed to, and I truly appreciate what the last four years has taught me.
Anyway, so the strangely-anticipated “moment of big change” arrives, and literally as I’m being told that I no longer have said job anymore, I can hear the words “ok, well I’m going traveling then” spilling over my tongue and into actuality. I didn’t think about it, I didn’t ponder it, I didn’t for a second doubt it; I simply said it and it was decided.
The next day, I did the thing that I always do when I’m about to do something awesome but mildly terrifying: I told everyone I could possibly tell that I was going to do it. I mentioned this little trick I play on myself in the TEDx talk I did a few years back (you can watch that here). In short, whenever I’m about to do something that scares me, even in the slightest, I tell as many people as I can so that I can’t back out, because my fear of losing face outweighs my fear of pretty much anything else. So now everyone knows, and I HAVE to go traveling… Oh darn.
Fast forward two months, and I’m about to board a plane headed to the opposite side of the big rock, looking back over the past few weeks wondering what the hell just happened… I was going to buy an apartment this year… I was thinking about upgrading my car… Instead, I’m going to live out of a 40L suitcase for an undecided length of time, on an endless list of islands, and put all my trust in Poseidon to get me across island hopping oceans safe and sound. (Totes naming my next car Poseidon.)
I’m actually doing this? Like, for real? I absolutely, positively, couldn’t be more excited about the whole idea, but I feel almost like I only just got the memo.
I have to say, it’s pretty darn refreshing to have skipped the whole “should I, shouldn’t I” adulting dilemma for a change.
While bouncing off the walls with boundless excitement, I’m also very aware of the ball of nerves fizzing below the surface. It’s funny, most people respond to news of my travels with “oh wow, you’re so brave”, and then in the same breath, quickly dismiss any fears that I might vocalise. Humans are funny. I would worry about my sanity if I wasn’t at least a little bit apprehensive. I know it’s going to be the most epic experience – the pros list is endless, and I haven’t even left yet. But I’m also a realist and have been around the proverbial block a few times, so I know that there are going to be times when things get tricky, and times when I feel alone or tired or scared or stuck on the other side of the world in a space that is not my own. But that’s natural.
Those fears aren’t holding me back in any way, they’re just there, because I’m human. And I’m going to leave them there, because I know that that’s exactly where growth comes from; and that’s only one reason, from an inexhaustible list of reasons, why this is the best thing that I could do for myself.